ARE YOU BEING STRUNG ALONG? IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU ARE!

Sometimes relationships and the people in them can present very bizarre situations that lead you to lose out rather than gain anything out of them. Sometimes we get strung along in relationships not because we didn’t realize it but because we did and chose the other option…the bizarre fake it till you make it option!

Like take for example, when someone doesn’t want to be associated with you because of you are from a certain tribe but then they find out that you have a “mixture of tribes” in you because one of your folks is from another country then all of a sudden they want in with you because of your exotic mix that they can brag about to their friends. That person doesn’t love you; they are in love with your exoticness! String along much?

Check out the following scenarios and see if you answer yes to any of them:

*Have you ever been asked to send someone phone credit (nisambazie woiye?) and after  sending, all you get is a brief 2 seconds call to thank you and you never hear from that person again until the next time they need credit? They only call when they need something from you…?

*Is there a person you really like but he/she won’t totally commit to you, saying they are not ready for a relationship?  Does he/she always blow you off? Breaks promises? Never makes time for you…?  No matter what you’ve been through for them, whatever you have done for them, whatever sacrifices you have made for them they still  refuse to fully commit to you and yet they don’t want to let you go?

*Do you serve constantly as someone’s backup plan? Maybe because you have money, a car (so that you chauffeur them around) etc…but after doing what they want they have zero interest in you?

*Have you ever accompanied someone to a party/event and they left you all alone in a corner (don’t check up on you not even once the whole time) as they flirt away with other people at the party?

*Have you ever been called to “hangout” with someone just because they know you will handle the bill and the whole time they ignored you? And at some point you even overheard them telling one of their friends at the gathering that you are “just their ride home”?

*Have you ever been with someone who constantly communicates with a certain person on phone or you constantly see them together and when you ask they give you a story about that other person being their best friend when in essence they are in a relationship?

In your head you are in a relationship with someone but there are constant rumors that they are always seen with a certain someone doing dinner or lunch…to which they always deny?

*Does the person in your life do one nice thing for you (after treating you so badly and unfairly) after which he/she continues being an a**hole all over again? They treat you so badly but don’t want you to leave them?

*Is the “someone” in your life always in the middle of something when you call them and they promise to call you back but they wouldn’t be bothered to do so?

*Does that certain someone in your life ask you for money so that they can treat someone else? Like robbing Peter to pay Paul kind of thing?

*Are you with someone who just always makes you cry? Cheats on you constantly? Lies to you constantly? Steals from you? (I have a friend whose boyfriend constantly steals money from her purse)

*Are you in a relationship with someone who will only kiss you on the cheeks or forehead and he/she would rather die than be seen with you in public and yet they claim to love you? And… They will always come up with an excuse when it comes to getting intimate…

*Do you pay someone’s bills (like rent), take care of their shopping, buy them expensive gifts, take them to exotic places and expensive restaurants …basically do everything nice for them and all you get is a “thanks you are such a darling” and yet your intentions are pretty clear to them? And after all that, they don’t volunteer to do simple things for you like maybe invite you to their place for a drink or even make you a simple dinner or lunch?

*Have you been with someone who is always gloomy when alone with you…like they can’t wait for the date (or whatever it is that made you be together) to be over? Almost like they are just trying to tolerate you?

Does he/she sound really ‘flat’ on the phone when you talk and you can almost imagine them rolling their eyes at the conversation you are having?

*Does the person you are in a relationship with avoid you? Would she/he rather watch a re-run of “Neighbors” rather than spend some time with you?

*Are you with him because he promised to marry you but he’s taking forever to ask you? Or he fed you lies that it’s about time he took a wife and hinted that you are it? He probably just loves you hanging around so that you can do stuff for him like cleaning and cooking…

*Does he/she break dates and lies to you constantly so that they can avoid seeing you because they have other plans? “I worked late that’s why I couldn’t call you…” when we all know that a call is all about picking up your phone and dialing a number. Someone who cares will leave everything for a minute to just call you and let you know what’s up! … It takes a shorter time to text a line or two.

I know that’s a whole lot of situations I’ve given and there are many more… but the point I’m trying to make is that sometimes you make being strung along too easy for the “stringer”.

When someone shows you their true self the first time you are meant to believe them! Never lie to yourself that he/she loves you when they clearly don’t! But sometimes the “string alongers” do tell you to your face that they want nothing to do with you or that you are not their type and you choose not to believe them and you make excuses for them that maybe they are just upset about something at the time in which case it is your fault if you get strung along.

Believe it! In the long run you are the one who will end up losing, hurt  and  looking like a fool and in a situation  where your friends noticed the signs and tried to warn you about it and you chose to turn a deaf ear to them…it’s your fault!

You should always try to read signs. Realize when someone is not into you because you are just creating heartache for yourself.

If someone really loves you, there’s nothing they won’t do for you to make you happy. They will check up on you all the time. They will want to see and hear you laugh. They will want to make life easier for you.  They will do anything to meet up with you if that was the initial plan even if it means cutting an important meeting short. They will always assure you. They will want to share in your happiness and sadness . Want to talk to you on phone for the longest time (if not be with you). They will not get irritated when with you or when they see your name on caller ID. They will  give an arm and a leg (or maybe not) for you so that you are happy.

It is a given that someone who strings you along doesn’t care for you and the good news is that there’s someone out there who will give anything to be with you. You are just with the wrong person. Do your homework. Look out for the signs that you are being strung along and then get on with life.

It is not a good feeling knowing that someone is forcing themselves to tolerate you because they will get something out of that tolerance. Some people want to believe that he/she will come around and realize that they can be happy with you…but in most cases that never happens. Save yourself the heartache honey and know your worth!

PS: Being strung along may not always be the case if you identify with some of the situations mentioned above…it could just be that you are with a plain toxic person!