Let’s face it: every relationship starts off as a fling. In today’s fast-paced world, courting and waiting for that heavily anticipated first kiss after many dates, are pretty much memories from a bygone era. Traditional courtship no longer exists.
We meet potentials online, through mobile applications, at bars and clubs, through friends and sometimes through drinking excessively. Sex no longer is that act that consummates a relationship that comes after courtship; sex is more often than not, where it all begins.
Thanks to modern conveniences such as social media, Facebook and Whatsapp; we feel like we get to know someone fairly quickly, which leads to intimacy much faster as well. What we forget is that our profiles on these mediums are often carefully crafted into what we want others to see us as.
OK, perhaps you hooked up with someone without expecting a relationship. But feelings and emotions begin to brew, and you find yourself entertaining the idea “What if I gave this a try?” at your office desk? How do you not scare the other person, mess up a “good thing” and still turn a fling into the real thing – a relationship?
#1 BE SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT
You’ve hit it off with this person, totally, mentally and physically, seems like a great fit. But is a relationship what you want in the first place? Of course it’s nice to be single, but also it can just be as nice being NOTsingle. However, before you take the leap, ask yourself if this is what you want. Are you in a place in your life where a relationship will uplift you? Are you focused on and only on your career? Do you still carry emotional baggage from your past relationship?
A full-blown relationship is not easy. You need to be prepared with what you’re getting yourself into. There will be compromises to be made. You will need to invest the time and effort into nurturing a relationship that lasts. If no-strings is what you’re looking for, then stick with the fling and don’t tackle more than you can handle.
#2 BE PERCEPTIVE
Before bringing it up in “the talk,” try to be perceptive of the current situation. Your partner’s actions will let you know if it’s even worthwhile to put yourself in a vulnerable position. Does he or she only text you at late hours for a booty-call? After sex, do you sleep over..snuggle and share some intimate time together? Is he or she interested in your life or getting to know you outside of a hook-up? Do they introduce you to friends or workmates?
If you don’t feel like your partner is engaging you in ways that make you feel more than simply someone they hook-up with, chances are, this isn’t worth the relationship. Always be prepared for all possible outcomes, both good and bad. Sometimes the other person is simply not on the same page, and most likely will never be.
#3 WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE HIM OR HER ANYWAYS
Is it the sex? Is this just lust and infatuation? Does the person make you laugh? Can you see yourself sharing your life with this person? Some women are known to become a bit emotionally clingy and bonded once sex is put into the picture. You have to admit that sex is one of those things that makes you feel extremely close to the man you’re with. The real and true emotions will come to surface when the hooking up becomes a bit more sporadic and it doesn’t happen as often. Make a list of pros and cons, and reasons why you even want to date this person. Visually seeing your rationale on paper is more sobering than simply going on how you feel. Don’t be surprised if you decide not to date this person after you’ve made your list.
#4 BRIDGE THE GAP
You can’t go from zero to hundred over night. The key here is to bridge the gap slowly between a fling and a relationship in a smooth transition.
Start off with going on actual dates but still keep things casual. Ask for one. Go for a movie date, coffee and dinner. Suggest the other person to come over to your place, and instead of simply jumping to the physical, watch tv, drink beer, and converse – the small things matter in life.
#5 COMMUNICATE
No one can read your mind. Vocalize what you want, what you’re looking for, and what you hopefully want to see your relationship grow into. If after clearly communicating and your partner is still unresponsive, please, do not push it. There’s nothing worse than someone who just doesn’t get it. Sometimes the other person simply wants something else – don’t be offended. Move on.
#6 TAKE A CHANCE
In life, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith without thinking about the outcome. If what you’re about to say or confide is coming from a place of sincerity and love, you should never feel afraid to share it. Regardless of the outcome, trying your best is sometimes the only way to get closure. Whether the other person wants a relationship or not, at least you have left it all on the table. No regrets.
#7 PATIENCE
There’s no need to rush into a relationship. Once you’ve decided to give this fling a try, let things blossom and nurture naturally. Allow yourselves to connect on a deeper level. Learn about each other. Most importantly, enjoy this time!
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Love and Sex